Rebound Update

It will be 3 weeks on Saturday since Rebound became the man of the house. The picture that I posted in the last blog isn't actually him. When I got to the breeder's (which was 2 hours away) the breeder told me that I was going to mad at them because they sent me a picture of his sister. My heart sank because by the way that she worded things, I was expecting a hideously ugly puppy, but then she pulled him out of his carrier and he stole my heart (as you'll soon learn, like most boys, Rebound enjoys messing with my heart.)

If you remember the picture from the last blog, you'll remember how huge the puppy's ears are. Well, Rebound's ears aren't as large and in fact the tip of his left ear was bitten off by one of his sisters (perhaps she was jealous?). Here's a picture of the baby with Jesse. I need to take new photos because already he has way more hair, his right ear is sticking straight up, and he's already bigger :(



From www.cairnterrier.org-

The Cairn Terrier in America is a sensible, confident little dog, independent but friendly with everyone he meets.

My confident dog is afraid of the following:

• boxes (he was terrified of a empty rice box the other day)
  
• geese
• sparrows
  
• the neighbor
  
• airplane noises (which is bad because I live by an airport)
  
• the wind
• bicycles
  
• moving cars
• riding in the car
• children's wagons
• other dogs
• garbage blowing toward him
• me crying (he tries to get off my lap or turns his head....typical boy)
  
• being house broken

Picture Frames

Tonight I'm spending the night overhauling my room. Yes, I know it's Friday night...how lame, but you see tomorrow I might be bringing home a 3 month old Cairn Terrier puppy that will want to do nothing but chew and I have a lot of things that invite chewing currently in my room.

Meet Rebound. Yes, the name is my doing. I have vowed for a long time that I would never get a dog. It's not that I don't like dogs (I actually love them), it's just that they take up so much of your life and I didn't want my life determined by an animal.

But you see, Rebound is going to be my rebound relationship. I think that I decided that I wanted to get a dog after one of my counseling sessions (I'm going to freely admit that I have been going to counseling for 6 months and I feel that everyone at some point in their lives should go to counseling. Don't judge me. Don't feel sorry for me. Sometimes you just need help to wade through the fog of life.). My counselor has a little dog that crawls up into your lap when you're pouring your heart out. I don't know if there is anything more comforting than that puppy sitting in my lap during those times.

I have those times at home too and I thought "Why not". I never do anything irresponsible. I'm always thinking about how my actions will influence the future. For once I'm going to just act upon an impulse. It's nothing immoral or wrong. It is going to make me stretch my budget a bit, but other than that, why not let myself live a little.

I need something to mother. People don't always want me to mother them, but I can't help it. It is probably the biggest part of my personality and now that I don't have someone to express my affection to, it has to go somewhere and I thought that a puppy would be the most appreciative of my love.

So tonight I'm cleaning my room. Tomorrow I'm hopefully bringing home the baby of the house. Tonight I'm thinking about how my inexpensive Wal*Mart picture frame has housed pictures of two different boys and is now empty and how that wasn't supposed to happen. Tomorrow many pictures will be taken of a small dog.

And throughout all of this I try to remember that -Tonight I am loved. Tomorrow I am loved. Always, I am loved.

The Start of 2009

I honestly don't know what to write here. I know that I want to be able to express myself but I am so numb inside that I don't know what to say.

My wonderful boyfriend of almost a year and I called it quits yesterday.

I wish that I had a better vocabulary to properly explain how I'm feeling, but I don't. I guess the best that I can do is to say that I feel vacant.

I feel angry at God for introducing someone into my life and then not allowing it to continue.

I hate the fact that I have given a piece of my heart to someone just to lose it.

I hate that happy memories, although there will be a smile on my face when I think of them, will also now bring sadness.

I don't understand. Maybe someday I will. Maybe I never will, but what's done is done and playing the martyr and continuing to dwell will only break my heart more.

Even though I'm angry, God is still in control. Another chapter in my life has closed but in the next chapter the story continues with me hopefully becoming a better, more loving person with more wisdom and strength than in the previous chapter.

I can only hold to this right now. My hope must be in this. My life has changed and will continue to change. Uncertainty is inevitable, but God is steadfast. I don't feel it all the time, but faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see (Heb 11:1).

God help me to become a better woman through all of this. I can't handle the thought of not coming out of this loving God more and loving others more.

Time to make a change. Hello 2009. You are definitely not what I was expecting.