Living in the Moment

I am literally in the final hours of my vacation. Within the past week I have spent significant time in 2 different cities and have spent approximately 40 hours of that time traveling. Most of these hours have been spent in the Atlanta airport which is where I sit now waiting for my flight.

Waiting has been a huge part of this trip and I'm not good at it. I have been described as a mover and a shaker. I don't know what that means or if I am one but I do know that I'm always on the the move. Supposedly I have been that way since day one when I decided to lift up my head not long after I was born.

I'm 5' 1.5" and my normal walking pace is faster than most, even those that with a good 6 inches on me. Fast food here in the South is not fast enough. In a group of people I usually end up making the decisions because I don't want to wait for people to make up their minds.

I don't like to wait.

I like to know what the plan is and what it will take to execute it.

But that isn't always how life works...if ever... and that causes me great anxiety.

I've been reading a lot about waiting. Waiting for God, waiting for life, waiting for change. I'm starting to think that although waiting on the Lord is a must, maybe constantly waiting for the next opportunity to happen is really not good for us. I don't mean that we need to be reckless, careless, or irresponsible, but maybe we're missing the point.

I think I've been missing the point. All I have is here and now and most of here and now I'm spending on wondering what is going to happen next and what I need to do to get there. Most days I'm so worried about what is going to happen 3 days from now that I miss the beauty that is going on around me.

We're taught to plan for our futures, our college goals (boy did I fail there!), our future spouse, our retirement, our future children. None of this is wrong in itself! But when we are no longer present because our life revolves around the future, then there is something wrong.

I've noticed this as a problem for me especially in the special someone category. When I am worrying about how I'm going to find that person and worrying about the years ahead being alone, I'm missing out on the joy that God gives me today. He has everything taken care of. I can pine and fret about the fact that I'm 27 and still no sign of Mr. Right which means I'm not going to be Mrs. Right anytime soon which means there won't be any Right children for awhile, but what the heck does that solve? What it does is it keeps me from enjoying the life I have now and that is the only life I have. I'm not promised anything but now and now is what it is supposed to be and what it is good.

I have finally finished Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. I have to say that it has been absolutely instrumental in me crawling out of the dark pit that I was in and it is probably the most eye opening and life changing book that I have ever read. It spoke to the heart of my anxieties and helped me find peace in my Father's arms.

I read the last few chapters in the Atlanta airport on my way to Florida. I write this now on my way home to Nashville. I never imagined when I started this blog that my "safety net" would be unsafe or be pulled out from under me. Thankfully I didn't wind up splattered on the sidewalk. God doesn't allow that. He does allow for us to free fall for awhile though.

I don't want anyone to think that I have this all down or think that I have this all together. I still wake up occasionally in a panic or am driven to tears. I still feel like I should be blessed in the ways that I feel that I should be blessed. I'm human.

Let me leave you with a few things that touched me from my friend Brennan (I've never met the man but someday, we will get coffee. I will see to it!)-

We formulate plans to fulfill what we perceive to be the purpose of our lives (inevitably limited), and when the locomotive of our longings gets derailed, we deem ourselves failures..... Our disappointments arise from presuming to know the outcome of a particular endeavor.... Entrusting ourselves to Mystery, we move forward fearlessly, knowing that the future of the planet probably does not depend on what we do next....
However, in our faithful listening to God's Word, we often neglect his first word to us--the gift of ourselves to ourselves: our existence, our temperament, our personal history, our uniqueness, our flaws and foibles, our identity. Our very existence is one of the never-to-be repeated ways God has chosen to express himself in space and time. Because we are made in God's image and likeness, you and I are yet another promise that he has made to the universe that he will continue to love it and care for it....

Trust yourself as one entrusted by God with everything you need to live life to the full.

Thanks for reading.

Love,
Erin

Enjoying the moment and dancing with Michelle in the streets of Savannah.

So I just discovered that I can blog through my phone. This could be really dangerous. I wonder if it will let me use more characters than twittering does. Probably not. Which would defeat it's purpose.