Thursday, February 28, 2008
Way Busy
I'm a major people pleaser and I have a really hard time saying no to anything. For some reason I have it in my head that if I don't do it no one will and then it won't get done. How self-centered of me. Honestly I'm not super stressed right now. I get stressed when someone else asks me to go somewhere or do something because rather than saying no, I start rearranging my schedule so that I can work them in. This is why I know that I'm too busy. I don't want to work people in. I want to be there whenever they need me. I know that is not always going to happen but I want it to be able to work the majority of the time.
I really feel that God brought me here to establish a community amongst people of my age group. When I first moved down here I waited and waited for people to invite me into their lives and there were a few that did and I thank God for them (Peter and Whitney, Danielle), but I was disappointed to see that people really weren't reaching out to me. One day Michelle and I sat down and decided that if we were going to have friends here, we were going to have to be the ones to start reaching out. If they weren't going to start coming to us we were going to go to them and with God's help I started doing that. It seems that everyone here wants community so badly but so many of them are scared to take the step to reach out. So I started inviting people over and introducing them to each other. One night I had I believe like 13 people over to the house to eat and hang out. It was wonderful and everyone kept saying how much they wanted to do it again.
I don't think that I'm God's gift to Nashville and I'm not trying to pat myself on the back, but I really feel that God brought me hear to link people together. I hate the word networking because it seems so slimy but I guess I'm kind of a networker down here.
Because I have been so busy, I feel like I've not been as active in this area of my life and I really miss it. This lead me to write the youth leader at Village 2 days ago and tell him that I could no longer help out with the youth group. This was probably one of the top 10 hardest things that I've had to do for 2 reasons- 1. Letting someone down. 2. Admitting that I couldn't do it.
Also this week, Mo and Gyroscope parted ways so that Mo could focus his money in other areas of his ministry. This was also hard for me because Mo and Rebirth are what brought me down to Nashville in the first place and this marks the end of that period in my life.
To try to sum this up...I miss you all. Thanks for being my friends.
On another somewhat related note-
My boss John J Thompson has just started up a blog called Thirty Three and a Third; Slow down and listen. He'll be talking about music, the Bible, the music business and anything else that slips into the faith / art / family vortex of his life. I personally love John's writing style and I thought a lot of you would be interested in this. His first blog is on the late Larry Norman http://johnjthompson.blogspot.com/.
Many of you may know John and not even realize it. He has been a presence in the Christian music scene since the mid 80s. You may have read his magazine (True Tunes News), been to his store in Wheaton, IL (True Tunes), been to his venue (Upstairs at True Tunes), read his book (Raised by Wolves), read one of his many articles, or even seen him working at Cornerstone. Currently John is the Creative Director at EMI CMG Publishing and President of Gyroscope Arts Inc. If you are really curious, you can read his bio at myspace.com/johnjthompson.
Also you should definitely check out Doug Van Pelt's blog. He recently went on a trip with Compassion International to Uganda. It's a REALLY good read.
http://www.hmmagazine.com/blogs/doug/
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Something to Make you Laugh
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
The Element of Change
It's amazing how unfamiliar change (with a little help from adrenaline and a lot of help from God) can go from disconnection to extreme alertness. Hard times and tragedy bring even unbelievers to their knees at some point and for me, that's the case as well. God lifted the haze and provided the friends that I now hold dear and through them the encouragement that I needed.
Hurray right? Honestly, praise God, but because like everyone else I take good things for granted and when comfort comes so does passivity and complacency. These are two words that too often describe my spiritual life. Below is a very precise diagram.
I am now in the midst of another change. From the start it is been a good change, but it's comfortable change and I have a choice to make. I can embrace this for all it's worth or I can idly sit by and just go through the motions. I know that this is an opportunity for God to reveal things about me that need to be altered, to learn how my life affects others, but so far, I feel as though I'm just comfortably sitting by and not letting myself be challenged. I want this change to be an alert change, not a hazy one. Most importantly I know that I need to make a choice to give this over to God and I know that he will guide me through everything. Pray for me.
I leave you with a quote from Brennan Manning (from the Signature of Jesus...a book that I've been reading for almost 2 years...I know, shameful).
"When we are seized by the power of great affection, we are empowered with the courage to risk"
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
What to expect in 08
I have been in Illinois for a week and a half now. It's cold I don't like cold. Never have and now that I've had a taste of warm weather in the winter, I don't foresee myself moving back to a colder climate anytime soon. It would have to take a really good looking man (who is perfect of course and has a British, Irish, or Australian accent) to convince me to move to a place that gets a lot of snow. Just saying.
Yes snow. Beautiful but horrid snow. I like snow that sticks to every part of the ground but the roads. That kind of snow is a rare hybrid snow that you can only find in very well off neighborhoods. I'm not from one of those.
I'm from a small town southwest of Chicago. It used to be a farm town, but is quickly becoming the new up-and-coming place to live. I worked, went to church, and hung out for the last 6 years or so mainly in Aurora, IL (yes Wayne's World) and that is 30 minutes away from my hometown.
Like most people, I had a couple of options of how and with whom I wanted to ring in the New Year. I was going to try to hit both of my options in one night, but they were not close to each other and it had been snowing all day making the roads gross. I decided that I would only go to Aurora and usher in 08 with my IL small group.
In typical Midwest winter fashion, a 30 minute drive became a 60 min drive and because the land is so flat, it is next to impossible to see where the edge of the road is. The road and the fields become one big white blanket.
I don't like driving in the snow, it terrifies me. My first car was a Ford Taurus that handled terribly in the snow and I landed it in a ditch twice before I reached the age of 19. I'm a bit gun-shy because of this and tonight I was even more nervous because I was driving my parent's car. Heaven help me if I put the Honda Accord in ditch. If that happened, I think I would have called a taxi to take me to the airport 2 days ahead of time.
Nothing happened except for me losing a good quarter inch off of my molars from clenching my jaw so tightly. Just so you know I’ve never driven a car that handles better in the snow. Free promotion for Honda.
I knew that tonight was going to be great because these people are seriously some of the greatest people that I know. This small group was so instrumental in how I now view the world, people, community, and relationships. I learned how to be transparent and real by interacting with these people and honestly every time I'm with them, I think "This is what heaven must be like".
You all know that I'm not your typical party girl. I don't do well with large parties where I know few people. It feels fake to me and I don't tolerate fake well at all. I'm not good at small talk because honestly I never feel like people really care and that they are just talking because that's the thing to do. Half the time I don't feel like I care what they have to say either and it irritates me that I'm acting like I do. I really want to be a person that values people so much that I really do care what they are saying, but for now I don't want to act like I care when I don't. I don't like being humored and I doubt the person I'm talking to does either. I sound like a jerk I'm sure.
I'm also not really a drinker. It's not a principle thing for me, it's just that I haven't acquired a taste for most alcoholic beverages and I feel that if I don't like it, why should I make myself like it? I have no problem with people having a couple of beers but I'm perfectly happy not having anything. When I do have something, I can't drink very much because I fall asleep. Now that's what I call the life of the party.
So tonight I welcomed the fact that I knew almost everyone in the room intimately and they knew me. I definitely feel like I'm getting to that point in Nashville, but these people were in my life when I made the big decision to completely alter my life by changing careers and moving away from everyone. They encouraged the decision and I think that it's really interesting for them to see how it's all playing out. They actually were around when I didn't know that there was a decision to be made and I was struggling trying to figure out where my place was in this whole thing called life. Again they are incredible, incredible people that I look up to immensely.
Tonight the festivities took place at the Cochran's house. It's one of the coziest houses that I've ever been in on one of the most picturesque streets. We sat in their living room while eating food, telling stories, laughing, and of course having deep discussions. This group amazes me in that they talk about the deepest things so naturally without being pretentious at all. I personally don't think that I'm deep, but I love listening to them discuss human nature, theology, and life. People's opinions vary, but the discussion never gets heated and differing opinions are welcomed and considered. You think I'm making this up, but I'm not. Like I said, heaven on earth.
The warmth of the night was made even more complete by the Christmas tree in the corner, the fire in the fireplace, and the beveled glass windows looking out onto the snowy street. It was absolutely perfect. We (well actually Mike) even roasted chestnuts over the "open fire".
I left around 1 because the roads were bad and my car would be towed a 2. This story would not be complete without a stupid Erin story. Although I lived in Illinois for 25 years prior to moving, I somehow failed to realize that wearing Chucks on a day when we were expecting 4 inches of snow (it turned out to be more than that) was not a good idea. I also wore a lighter jacket and forgot to bring gloves. Once I got to my car, snow had covered all the windows and under the snow there was a layer of ice. Snowed filled my shoes, my hands froze as I scrapped my windows and because I parked next to the curb, I had to climb into a pile of snow to scrape off the passenger's side window. As I was driving home my toes were numb and at one point I actually had to take off my shoe because I was getting that bad tingling feeling in my right foot. Brilliant Erin, brilliant.
Wow. I'm sure that I could write another 3 more pages of thoughts, but I won't bore you with that.
So what to expect in 08. I can't even imagine what God has in store for me. I don't know how anything could top what happened in 07. In January 07 I had absolutely no clue that I would be visiting these friends over the holidays because I would not longer be living in the same state. I never thought that I would move farther than 30 minutes away from these people yet alone 9 hours. I didn't think that I would not be doing x-ray. I didn't think that I would be making new friends. My closest friends I had been friends with for 8 years. It is absolutely amazing this year to look back at last year and years before that and see how everything leads up to right now. I always wanted to know where God wanted me "right now". There was no way that I could see what he was preparing me for and I can now totally see that this was a prepared situation. If certain things didn't happen to me and if certain people weren't placed in my life, I would not be in Nashville. There is no way that you would have gotten to me to do what I'm doing and be where I'm at if these things didn't happen. I'm glad that I'm in Nashville. I feel completely at peace there. I love it now and I can see glimpses of how God is using me there. I just ask that you pray for me that I continue to be open to God's leading and that I don't try to do it all on my own. God bless you in 2008. God only knows what is going to happen.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
an actual recording of me singing lead
Anyways. Once I moved to Nashville I figured that I would never be doing music again. Again, I'm not trying to make it, but in IL I've gotten to be the token girl background singer on a couple of friends’ projects and I’ve missed not doing that. Honestly I don't care if anyone ever gets to hear anything that I do, I just love singing backgrounds. I love hearing how much a song can change by what I sing or how I sing it. I love trying to match my voice to sound like the person I'm singing with. I've been the background vocalist for so long that I don't even really know what my voice sounds like. I've sang lead for a couple friends' songs, but they told me pretty much how to sing and I did what I was told.
My friend Robin Ghosh (who is an incredible producer and engineer) has told me several times that he likes my tone. He arrived at this conclusion after standing next to me in church during worship and hearing me sing a bit in small group. Because he's been so complimentary and I don’t feel like he’s going to belittle my voice, I asked him to record me doing How Deep the Father's Love for a Christmas present for my parents. I also asked him to play classical guitar on it because he is a sick classical guitar player.
So he did all of this and more. I recorded the song and hit notes that I didn't think I could hit because he was confident that I do it (they're not high...I just don't have a huge range), my friend Michelle Thompson who has an amazing voice came in and sang BGVs, Rob had a Cellist come in and play (Rob wrote the parts), Rob recorded keys and guitar, and he also managed to have one of Nashville's top session drummers come in and play percussion.
The reason I chose this song is because I knew that I was able to sing it. Like I said, I don't sing lead very often so I'm still becoming aware of what I'm able to do. That's not the only reason I picked it though. I love old hymns and I love that this song is written in that style. I think that hymns are much deeper than modern worship songs and this particular song I love the lyrics to. I sang this song on Easter Sunday at the Warehouse Church in IL 3 days before I moved to Nashville and the day after I totaled my car. There's a lot tied up in this song for me.
Ok so this is a really long explanation. A few of you have asked to hear this so I thought I would post it. I hope that you enjoy it.
Rob, thank you so much for doing this for me. My parent's loved it. My mom cried like you hoped. You are an amazing friend and I know that you're going to great things. Thanks for being in my life.
http://www.mediamax.com/erinlee/Links/FD37BE3F1A
Thursday, December 13, 2007
"You're not really a girl"- James Harrington
I played shows almost every weekend and probably at least 2 times a weekend in indie rock band for 4 years, but I don't like to stand up and make announcements in church or play any sport that requires people to look at me.
I play drums, but I like girly stuff like tea rooms
I've been called a tomboy, but I love wearing dresses.
I love girl movies, but hate the color pink.
And the list goes on.
Again I'd like to think of myself as mysterious, but in reality I'm just insane or in other words female.
Tonight I watched Elf with the Thompson Family and taught Michelle to knit. There's another one to add to the list. Yes I'm 25, single, and I sit home at night and knit.....this is a relatively new activity for me. 25 and single isn't new though. That has been going on since April. It replaced 24 and single.
So I'm officially an old lady when I knit and wait for children to go to bed so I can sneak a frozen pizza in the oven.
Insane, mysterious, feminine, call it what you want, but you're the stupid head reading this.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
75 in December
Today was incredible. It was 75 degrees. I wore a t-shirt, set up a table outside to work in the beautiful sunny weather, and tonight I didn't have to wear a jacket. Amazing.
Besides the amazing weather, I was fortunate enough to see Over the Rhine at the Belcourt Theatre. I'm not good at describing things so yeah, absolutely magical. Imagine a small old theatre, a woman with one of the most incredible voices that I've ever heard wearing a long dress, jangly piano, violin, upright bass, an amazing guitarist, mandolin, jazz drums, Christmas music, blues, jazz, old country, and a band that knows what they are doing and are enjoying it. Magical. Check them out.